Tuesday, December 15, 2009

to eat or not to eat ...

what do you do with an old woman who will not eat ...
or will barely drink ..
who's blood pressure is spiking?
who does not speak ..
probably does not recognize me
but reacts to my sons and husband.

what do you do?

maybe she will choose to eat again.


ANNA-LYS said...

This is not easy, its heartbreaking. I can only imagine how terrible You must feel. Maybe, hold her, hug her and sing to her with low soft voice. Communication can go through on many levels. Did she sing for You, before, when You was little?

(( stor kram ))

Anonymous said...

you do
the best
that you can
take strength from your faith, family, and friends

× × ×


dianne said...

I'm so sorry dearest Foamy, yes it is heartbreaking and very difficult to endure.
Some good advice from Anna and /t. and I will add that I know what you are feeling ... helpless.
Just do your best little friend, all you can do is be there for your Mom,soothe her with your soft voice, let her know that you love her, hold her hand and hug her for reassurance...I think that she will sense that you are there and trying to help her. xoxo ♡

boneman said...

well, yes.
Perhaps she will again eat just a little, and appetite will pick up.
And she'll eat more.
And regain her wits, and pretty soon, be back out of where she is...
And then, some quiet evening...
you can holler at her like crazy for doing what she's doing!


Ma laid in a comatose state (that's central indiana) for about three months.
She could see grizzly things in her mind and reflected that in her face, but, people?
Real people?

And damn me.
Damn me to hell if you want, but towards the end I was tired of praying to a fucking god that wasn't making her better!
So I prayed for him to take her!
my own Ma!
and he didn't do that, either.

three months of watching the sweetest woman in the world, a woman who battled cancer since 1956, lost both breasts, radiation therapy, chemo, the knife...
endured and sustained a marriage where she knew the bastard screwed another woman...bur forgave him anyway...
three fucking months of dying in slow motion.

I STILL scream obscenities at god for that.
Of course, i realized from the experience that the god they teach about in churches isn't a real god at all.
It's some fantasy land piece of fluff.

The real CREATOR is in you, in your Mom, in your husband and children.
There is no pain when walking through the door.

And she may not speak to you, but, she knows you.

ok...too far, but, what the heck.
We all hurt for you, girl. Because you are here, alive and feeling this pain.

so very sorry.

Little Lamb said...

It's hard to watch someone like that. It is heartbreaking. I'm very sorry.

SJ said...

You do nothing I am afraid. Just wait and hope for the best.

Jean said...

Keep loving her. Tell her, softly, how much you love her.

Helene said...

oh foam... I am so sorry.
In the end, it is her choice... it just stinks for the rest of you. Hugs!!!

puerileuwaite said...

Sorry, Foamy.

K9 said...

you relish the times that she does see you and eat. i know how it is foamy, only in reverse: a vibrant mind trapped in a failing body. sending you love.

Anonymous said...

I wish I know how to do. I'm sure you do what you can. I believe you are the one that suffer most

Pamela said...

Both my parents went that way.
My heart is sad for you.

Mariana Soffer said...

I am sorry, so sorry, hope you are not suffering, or at least not much. You know what you should do, you should follow radiohead song advice and belive it (also t advice).
"you can do the best you can
you can do the best you can
the best you can is good enough"

And never forget to be gratefull for what you have.

I love you man, send you strength.

HLiza said...

It's so hard to take..but give her hugs. I don't know how I will take it if I'm in your shoes..it's heartbreaking..

foam said...

thanks all. i really appreciate the support and understanding. i know that many of you have dealt with issues of aging parents.

Middle Ditch said...

Just be there for her Foam. That's all that I can say.


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