Friday, May 9, 2008

the year is drawing to an end..
the school year, that is..
anybody who teaches ..
no matter at what level ..
knows that this is a hectic time..

this is also a time when i have to decide whether to continue in this path or not..
not that i've been presented with a contract for next year yet..
i thought i should have seen one by now..
perhaps i still will..
i have had so many abscences this year..
not cause i've been ill .. except for that one week in the fall when i was really, really sick..
but my mother fell in the fall and broke her hip ..
and then my son was so sick recently with these headaches..

i've had really good observations this year, so if i should not see a contract it would not be based on that..

but then again, why fret over it .. i really don't want to continue..
that's what i've been telling myself all year long..

800 plus students, large class sizes, back to back classes that are 30 minutes long with no transition time in between..
ech..

if it just weren't for those students who are really disappointed when i'm not there and they have a sub..
and these are the students that are always happy when they have a sub for their regular classroom teacher..
and if it weren't for the students whose eyes light up when they see me and tell me they can't wait for my class cause it's their favorite .. they have looked forward to it all week long ..

........and yet, i think, no.. i Know, that i don't want to do this anymore even though it's the only friggin' thing i know how to do.

but, i just might find myself going for another year ..

it's a job afterall, it's health insurance, for whatever it's worth, after all ..

9 comments:

Eric R Ström said...

Are you contracted only for a year at a time as a teacher?

I think I have the same feelings for my work.

Maybe it is our age, getting closer to 50. Teenager again, in some weird way.

What will we do with our lives?
This is maybe the last chance.

Little Lamb said...

what to do? Decisions.

The Ramblin Irishman said...

Sounds like the year end blues. Cheryl is feeling somewhat like you and she doesn't carry 1/3 the load. I know what you mean about the kids making you feel good. I took the Jr. High girls to a track meet yesterday and they treated me like I was a long lost friend. The coach even asked if I was some sort of celebrity. Then there are the other days that are not so good. Hmmmmmmm.

X. Dell said...

Hmmm. This sounds stressful. I really think that it's shameful to keep you on the hook like this. Then again, I've had issues with your system since you've first described it.

You've demonstrated a profound knowledge of art and art history on both my blog and yours. And you seem to have a broad knowledge that stems from a good education that includes a graduate degree. I'm thinking there's something else you could probably do with your life that would be just as rewarding, and perhaps even pay better.

whimsical brainpan said...

But you don't sound happy...

Could you teach somewhere else, like a charter or private school?

Pink said...

what would you do if you didnt need healthcare or the money?

I'm working my way through that book 'the Artist's Way' again. I did it years ago and it helped...I'm doing it again because its really good structure for freeing up your creativity around designing a life.

xx
pinks

/t. said...

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HLiza said...

The same feelings had been revolving in my heart for quite some time..but I don't know what else to do if I don't do what I do now. Good luck girl!

Indigo said...

Indigo incarnates :)

I hope you can get your contract renewed. Looking for work is a real drag, and it's always better to have the option of doing it on your terms.

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