Monday, August 6, 2007

once upon a time a wifey thought to herself:

"i'm sleepy..
but the spouse is snoring.
what's a wifey to do?"

"hmmmmm......."
she contemplated long and hard

sleepy brain cells struggled to think of snoring stopping ideas
and this is what she came up with:
  • sleep on the couch..
  • pour cold water over head of snorer
  • pinch snorer's nose shut
  • knock snorer upside the head
  • push snorer off the bed
  • poke snorer
  • plop arm over snorer's face and see what happens
  • lay half way over snorer
  • turn on the light and continue reading
  • draw a moustache on snorer's face
  • pull individual body hairs of snorer
  • ummmmmm, snore back REAL LOUD
  • do push ups on the bed
  • sleep with ear plugs
one time wifey's snoring spouse suggested shaking the bed
since for some reason he decided that being knocked upside the head was not the way to wake up from snoring.
"go figure....",she thought. "what's wrong with knocking somebody upside the head?"

but , anywho she decided to try the snorer's idea.

so, one night when the snoring started up she shook the bed
....nothing....

she shook the bed again
...nothing...

and again she shook that bed
....nothing....

this time she shook the bed so hard that she started levitating ..
with her arms and legs she pushed with all her might upwards....why, she must have been 2 feet off that bed before the plopped back down...
and she continued doing this several times....

until....

the snoring stopped

...so suddenly..
and


wifey's beloved spouse woke up with a start..
to a fiercely bouncing, wifey spouse.
stunned he laid there in silence for say a nanosecond or so
before he managed to blurt out:

"what are you.....possessed? "


well, noooooooo....don't think so...........

just sleepy thought wifey.


then she grabbed her pillow and went to sleep on the couch....


ps: luckily this male spousey does not snore all the time
and, yes, wifey and spousey are familiar with medical reasons for snoring..


pss: oh, and this is a work of fiction.
any similarities to actual folkses living or dead is just pure happenstance.
so, if you think this is about you..
tough diddleysquat..

psss: soooooo, what time is it now?
gee....


26 comments:

SJ said...

ROFL :) No make that RO-Bed-L

LADY LUXIE said...

goood mooorning there!!..Oh' I hope you're still here!...

I love your balcony..It's raining hard here..

When my hubby snores I try pushing him on to his side...slowly...slooowly....well sometimes...most of the times I just bear it...

LADY LUXIE said...

I enlarged your art work there..

It looks sooo mysterious....like seeing something alive behind those patterns....cool...

..................... said...

hey luxie,
i'm here

..................... said...

sj, rofl back atcha....
u funny. but u know that.


luxie, yes, i've tried the pushing on the side too. forgot to mention it.

she said...

i find that laying a sodden wet with dog saliva plush dog toy onto the face of the snorer will not stop the snoring but WILL result in threats of divorce when at last the snorer awakes.

*work of fiction as well* grrherhaha

ambien, ear plugs and PULQUE! grrherhaha

Anonymous said...

she
oh yea, similar threats upon awakening that particular wifey has had too.....
lol...


ambien and pulque...
wow! that'll knock out a zombie..

foam

Enemy of the Republic said...

Been there, done that. My husband's snores are unreal.

Anonymous said...

...that's terrible, eor...
foam

SJ said...

hi there , sleep well?

foam said...

no comment..:)

Mayden' s Voyage said...

I made him have surgery...tonsils OUT!
It was the worst 3 weeks of recovery an adult could possibly have (and I had to take care of him, so- I figured I paid my dues- right?)...BUT...
IT WORKED!!!

I can sleep- and he can breathe!!!

(she wonders quietly...what else might surgery fix???? hee hee hee- wicked laugh...lol :D)

/t. said...

HA HA AHHA AHAHAH HA HAHAHAH AHAH AHAH AHH AH AHA AH AH AHA AH AHA AH HA AHH AHA AHA AH AHA AHA HAHHA HAHA HAHA A H AH A HAH AHA HAHAH HA AHAHA AH HAHA HAH AHA HA A AHAHA AHAHAHAH AH HA A HAHA HAH AHA A HA HA AH HA AH AAHAH HAH AHA HAH AHA AHAH AA HA HAHAH AHA AHA HAHAH AHAHAHHA H AHAH AHA HA HA!

(thought probably is a little less funny than that to wifey at 3AM)

/t.

Wizened Wizard said...

Nights like that - even though works of fiction - are awful. I liked the "draw a moustache on the snorer" idea (since the problem is fictional and in no way a real threat to wifey's sleep...) If it was a true story, then I'd lean toward the "upside the head" solution. : )

X. Dell said...

I sleep alone, so I have no wife to bother, alhough the neighbors at the other end of the block complain.

One reason for not hitting someone upside the head is that the bones of the human skull are very hard, so there's a chance that wifey might break her fingers if she does that.

dd said...

ear plugs. ambien if there is an element of insomnia. I promise it works.

LADY LUXIE said...

Wondering here if you've had a better rest....

I'm going to snooze in a short while..

It's raining here...big time raining..

b o o said...

aww.... heh

ThursdayNext said...

I dont like the ending because the snorer needs to hit the couch, not the snoree!

The Lone Beader said...

LOL! When I was little, my father used to keep me awake with his snoring, and he slept on a different floor of the house! So, I'd have to go downstairs, and wake him up to tell him to stop snoring... LOL.

foam said...

thanks, folks, for all your witty, kind, humorous comments..
not been feeling extremely well..
but, no worries, soon i will be.

SJ said...

Hope you feel extremely well soon :)

X. Dell said...

Seems to be a lot of that going around. Take care. Be well.

Anonymous said...

I'm not feeling well right now. Got wet in the rain and now I'm down with something...siiigh...

Hope you're better...

Luxie

she said...

what's this? nothing new? i liked the 4 livers drawing. reminded me of kiki smith. (does it annoy you how often i say: that art looks like some other artist?) it annoys me that i wrote it i should delete but then i want you to know i dropped by. the smog in atl is so bad i went to chickorys even though the show is only 6 weeks away. eeeeeeeek!

foam said...

kiki smith? that's interesting. i do like kiki smith but wouldn't have thought about her. she does use organs in her artwork. that shape was supposed to be more womblike but, alas, i'm teaching myself these computer skills and the cutting and pasting and don't always have the control i desire and want.

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